Conflict

An excerpt from the Peace Maker, author - Ken Sande

The are four primary causes of conflict.  Some disputes arise because of misunderstandings resulting from poor communication (see Josh.  22:10-34).  Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions can also lead to conflict (see Acts 15:39; 1 Cor. 12:12-31).  Competition over limited resources, such as time or money, is a frequent source of disputes in families, churches, and businesses (see Gen. 13:1-12).  And, as we will see below, many conflicts are caused or aggravated by sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions (see James 4:1-2).


Conflict is not necessarily bad, however.  In fact, the Bible teaches that some differences are natural and beneficial.  Since God has created us as unique individuals, human beings will often have different opinions, convictions, desires, perspectives, and priorities.  Many of these differences are not inherently right or wrong; they are simply the result of God-given diversity and personal preferences (see 1 Cor. 12:21-31).  When handled properly, disagreements in these areas can stimulate productive dialogue, encourage creativity, promote helpful change, and generally make life more interesting.  Therefore, although we should seek unity in our relationships, we should not demand uniformity (see Eph. 4:1-13).  Instead of avoiding all conflicts or demanding that others always agree with us, we should rejoice in the diversity of God's creation and learn to accept and work with people who simply see things differently than we do (see Rom. 15:7; cf. 14:1-13).


Not all conflict is neutral or beneficial, however.  The Bible teaches that many disagreements are the direct result of sinful attitudes and behavior.  As James 4:1-2 tells us, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but you don't get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight...."  When a conflict is the result of sinful desires or actions that are too serious to be overlooked, we need to avoid the temptation to escape or attack.  Instead, we need to pursue one of the peacemaking responses to conflict, which can help us get to the root cause of the conflict and restore genuine  peace.


Most importantly, the Bible teaches that we should see conflict neither as an inconvenience nor as an occasion to force our will on others, but rather as an opportunity to demonstrate the love and power of God in our lives.  This is what Paul told the Christians in Corinth with religious, legal, and dietary disputes threatened to divide their church:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God--even as I try to please everybody in every way.  For I am not seeking my own good the good of many, so that they may be saved.  Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1

This passage presents a radical  view of conflict:  It encourages us to look at conflict as an opportunity to glorify God, serve others, and grow to be like Christ.  This perspective may seem naive and impractical at first glance, especially to someone who is presently embroiled in a dispute.  As you will see, however, this view can inspire remarkably practical responses to conflict.  These responses are described in detail later in this book, but an overview now will be helpful.

(pages 30-31)